I wrote this over a year ago and feel the need to share it again for someone... maybe YOU!
I know I needed it today!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I wrote this back on January 11th(2012).
I was not going to post it but somehow the Lord keeps bringing it back around to me.
So here I am, after 3 weeks of fighting the Lord (for whatever reason) I'm posting it.
May it bring encouragement to someones heart! xoxo
I know I needed it today!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I wrote this back on January 11th(2012).
I was not going to post it but somehow the Lord keeps bringing it back around to me.
So here I am, after 3 weeks of fighting the Lord (for whatever reason) I'm posting it.
May it bring encouragement to someones heart! xoxo
~~~~~
Let's face it. There are times when the enemy is going to attack.
Today was a weird but yet wonderful day.
As I was driving my daughter to school today I had an overwhelming feeling
of absolute failure come over me.
I KNEW in my heart, somehow; somewhere
that I had completely failed as a parent and it was irreversible.
*sign*
However, the damage was done.
I failed.
Total failure.
It was real and I believed it.
Me neither.
This is a thought pattern that he wants every single one of us women (and men) to fall under.
I want my blog to be a safe place for me to come and share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, fears, victories, laughter, spiritual warfare, embarrassing stories and emotional breakdowns. As a ‘sensitive’ woman (as my mom always told me I am), I have many of these stories. Probably too many of the latter but regardless, it’s still my life and I guess I feel I’m at a place to be vulnerable and share because, well, I’m human. I make a lot of mistakes and I learn a lot of hard lessons. And I have found that there are many people like that, they just don't talk about it.
So.. I will.
I feel this particular ‘experience’ is unique but yet, all too common and here is why…
So.. I will.
I feel this particular ‘experience’ is unique but yet, all too common and here is why…
Let's face it. There are times when the enemy is going to attack.
As a Christian, it’s completely impossible to escape the traps of the enemy as he craftily tries to destroy your faith, create a state of anxiety and ruin your family.
I call it for what it is.
I call it for what it is.
This is called spiritual warfare!
So instead of not talking about it and keeping it inside, I’m going to share my day.
Ever have feelings of inadequacy?
Ever feel that you have failed as a mother?
As a wife? As a friend? As a person?
Please tell me you have. I don’t want to be the only one.
(Misery loves company!)
Today was a weird but yet wonderful day.
As I was driving my daughter to school today I had an overwhelming feeling
of absolute failure come over me.
I KNEW in my heart, somehow; somewhere
that I had completely failed as a parent and it was irreversible.
I don’t believe that any one thing happened this morning beside the normal:
“Hannah eat your breakfast…
“Hannah eat your breakfast…
Did you brush your teeth?
Hannah get dressed…
Please don’t flight with your brother and get your back pack ready…
Honey WHY are you playing with a balloon and not getting dressed?...
Baby, where are your shoes, they are your responsibility?...
Please stop fighting with your brother…
Hannah did you get your jacket?...
HANNAH, IT’S 27 DEGREES OUTSIDE, YOU NEED YOUR JACKET…
Oh my goodness child, why are you not getting dressed?”
*sign*
My morning was pretty much normal.
However, the damage was done.
I failed.
The pain was real and the spirit was THICK.
It was the type of feeling that you get in your stomach when you know something is awful and it just takes the breath away from you. You almost can do nothing but stare and say nothing.
Well, this was me on the way to school.
It was the type of feeling that you get in your stomach when you know something is awful and it just takes the breath away from you. You almost can do nothing but stare and say nothing.
Well, this was me on the way to school.
Total failure.
It was real and I believed it.
I guess a part of me always has struggled with this because I fall victim to that hideous demonic thought pattern of “everyone does it better and has it together BUT ME!”
Gosh is that ugly!
I sometimes compare myself with the moms that “do everything.”
You know, those moms that in our minds are “so much better than you."
(Whatever that means.)
They home school with complete patience everyday;
cook meals from scratch three times a day;
their hair is always perfect;
husbands clothes are constantly ironed, clean and ready for him;
they don’t have cheerios or old fresh fries under the seats of their car;
their kids can read and write by the age of 2;
their homes are perfect 97.9% of the time;
their kids don’t fight
they all have sweet soft voices when facing confrontation;
they pose perfect in every family photo;
they don’t yell
and they defiantly don’t fall behind on the laundry!
You know who I’m talking about?
Me neither.
But today, I believed that every mom in the world was THIS mom and that I had failed.
Completely.
One thing I know for sure is, the enemy is hard at work.
This is a thought pattern that he wants every single one of us women (and men) to fall under.
If we are not careful, we start to believe the lies.
So as I drove my sweet ‘Honey Bee’ Hannah (who really is a GEM) to school,
I had this gloomy freaky black thick cloud come over me that rained down big black
F letters for FAILED all over my countenance and spirit. You know, like a profound thick blanket that weighs down your body. The mussels in my face were heavy and I was totally defeated. You know they say it takes more mussels to frown than it does to smile. I believe it. This morning my face HURT.
I had this gloomy freaky black thick cloud come over me that rained down big black
F letters for FAILED all over my countenance and spirit. You know, like a profound thick blanket that weighs down your body. The mussels in my face were heavy and I was totally defeated. You know they say it takes more mussels to frown than it does to smile. I believe it. This morning my face HURT.
This is how my day started.
One thing I do know from experience, EVERYTHING must be dealt with through prayer.
I immediately started to pour my heart out to the Lord.
As my morning drifted into the afternoon, my heart was still heavy and I didn’t want to show my face to anyone. ‘Shame’ started to make its home in my mind and all of a sudden, I started to get this pain in my chest. (I call it a freaked-out-stupid-no good-cheap-shot of the enemy)
As I struggled just to keep my head above water, I picked up a book.
I have been reading this book off and on for several months.
Today, the Lord spoke to me through it.
Like a hammer that breaks a rock to pieces.
I randomly opened the book and the words on the first page I read was this:
I randomly opened the book and the words on the first page I read was this:
“We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”
He is a LIAR.
That’s it!
That's it!
All this garbage I had been carrying around with me all morning long were LIE’S.
Big fat ones.
I finally saw it for what it was.
A complete spiritual battle.
All I needed was a small little reminder of who my enemy is to remind me of the battle I’m in.
He is a LIAR.
This was a spiritual attack to knock me off course.
To bring me down. To take my eyes OFF of Jesus and put them on myself.
(It’s called self-pity. A very ugly trap.)
I KNOW there is not a perfect mom, wife or woman out there.
I KNOW this.
Why am I allowing myself to believe and harbor on this thought pattern?
Because our enemy is roaming around like a lion seeing who he can devour!
Seeing who will believe the clever little lies.
The small whispers that you have failed your children.
You have failed your husband and there is no reconciliation.
Your friends think you’re a nut job.
You have no self respect.
Everyone is looking at you.
You don’t belong.
You are a very bad person.
Stop trying to be good. It will never happen.
Because our enemy is roaming around like a lion seeing who he can devour!
Seeing who will believe the clever little lies.
The small whispers that you have failed your children.
You have failed your husband and there is no reconciliation.
Your friends think you’re a nut job.
You have no self respect.
Everyone is looking at you.
You don’t belong.
You are a very bad person.
Stop trying to be good. It will never happen.
Get my point? Who has not heard these things?
Claim it for what it is:
Spiritual Warfare at it’s finest.
“We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”
The TRUTH!
Do you know the truth?
My Bible says, “The truth will set you free!”
Not entangle me in bondage where I believe all these lies.
The Bible says:
We are God’s children.
We are bought with a price.
We are treasured.
We are valuable.
We are precious in His eyes.
We are forgiven.
We have been SET FREE!
Praise GOD!
You see, the enemy wants us out of the game.
He wants us defeated, paralyzed and mute; unable to share our struggles and weaknesses.
But you know what?
God is so much greater.
His power is in me and therefore, I can see the truth. I know I’m in a battle.
He wants us defeated, paralyzed and mute; unable to share our struggles and weaknesses.
But you know what?
God is so much greater.
His power is in me and therefore, I can see the truth. I know I’m in a battle.
“We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”
So I encourage you, in times like these, claim it for what it is.
Spiritual warfare is a very real thing.
The Bible says, “Be sober, be vigilant.” That means OUR MINDS!
I may not be “one of those moms” and frankly,
I never want to be!
The truth be told:
I’m a mess without my husband;
I yell at my kids and ask for forgiveness;
I fall behind on the laundry daily;
my house is rarely picked up "perfectly";
I raise my voice at my husband when I get frustrated *not a good idea* :-/
he wears wrinkled shirts more times than not under his sweaters (but nobody can tell);
my car looks like a hurricane most days
and I can only help Hannah with homework for about 6 minutes and then I quit.
I’m a mess without my husband;
I yell at my kids and ask for forgiveness;
I fall behind on the laundry daily;
my house is rarely picked up "perfectly";
I raise my voice at my husband when I get frustrated *not a good idea* :-/
he wears wrinkled shirts more times than not under his sweaters (but nobody can tell);
my car looks like a hurricane most days
and I can only help Hannah with homework for about 6 minutes and then I quit.
You see, my day started with the enemy blanketing me with a spirit of failure.
He whispered so many lies to me.
Lie’s that I KNEW were not true but I started to entertain them.
A very scary place to be.
A very scary place to be.
The point is, Christian, we are in a spiritual battle.
Satan does not want your heart seeking after Jesus.
The second you do, you can be sure he is there to counteract.
To whisper subtle, crafty, self seeking, prideful, thoughts about you,
your family and everyone you’re around.
To make you believe all the lies he has for you.
He is good at what he does.
The ways he sneaks in are incredible.
Satan does not want your heart seeking after Jesus.
The second you do, you can be sure he is there to counteract.
To whisper subtle, crafty, self seeking, prideful, thoughts about you,
your family and everyone you’re around.
To make you believe all the lies he has for you.
He is good at what he does.
The ways he sneaks in are incredible.
Do not be fooled.
“We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”
Be encouraged today.
We serve an Awesome GOD!
Seek Jesus and find Him.
There you will find rest for your souls and truth for your heart.
Yesterday the Lord gave me this verse!
"I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning."
Psalm 130:5-6
I love that!"
Yesterday the Lord gave me this verse!
"I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning."
Psalm 130:5-6
I love that!"
Today our family is on a mission. However, our story began back in 2003. We were married, blessed with 3 beautiful children and the world’s best loving little Shiz-Tu of a man-dog! (We really love him. Probably too much. But that is not what this blog is about!)
My husbands name is Chris but my kids and I call him ‘Papa’! We have been married for over 8 years. We have seen some amazing mountain tops in our marriage and we have also swam in the depths of the oceans floor. We know that God is alive, working and ALL POWERFUL. We are living proof!
Our children are amazing. They REALLY do make us laugh. So many times we just look at each other and shake our heads because they are so cute and unpredictable. They force us to learn humility, mercy and grace constantly and we fail daily. It’s actually very sobering.
We are completely broken people. Sinners in need of grace, forgiveness and mercy like you need air and water. We give our brokenness to Jesus. We turn in all our failures and sinful ways in hopes that Jesus will use these vessels (our lives, our bodies) for His ultimate and complete Glory and unto His Kingdom.
What is this blog about? It’s about Jesus and Orphans!
As you will read, we are now on a mission. To love the orphan! To serve HIS children and help provide for any urgent needs we encounter.
We originally were praying about adoption. However, we are now praying that the Lord would just SEND US, if that is His plan.
We have started a ministry called, "Bread For Life" and we bake and sell bread to help raise money for children in need. It began in December of 2011, we have raised almost $20,000! This little ministry is being turned into a non-profit and we are seeking the Lord for what He has in store for us next.
If you can get past all the misspelled words, run on sentences and confusing grammar than sit back and be encouraged! God is on the move in our hearts and we are thrilled! We invite you to laugh, cry, pray, rejoice and hope that Christ be glorified through our lives.
There is a war to fight and we are headed to battle!
This is our mission, Our Story.
(To start at the beginning of our blog, 
Adoption Timeline: May 23, 2011 Passports * June 6, 2011 Fingerprinting * Getting paperwork completed for homestudy * Woe, hold up... Lord are you calling us... are we to "GO!" and adopt/serve/teach/love/feed? ... Hold on. This calling just got a lot more exciting! Stay tuned!
