Wednesday, February 1, 2012


Here is my Memorial Box Monday story because I LOVE
the faithfulness of His Word and Promises.

I wrote this back on January 11th.
I was not going to post it but somehow the Lord keeps bringing it back around to me.
So here I am, after 3 weeks of fighting the Lord (for whatever reason) I'm posting it.
May it bring encouragement to someones heart! xoxo
I want my blog to be a safe place for me to come and share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, fears, victories, laughter, spiritual warfare, embarrassing stories and emotional breakdowns. As a ‘sensitive’ woman (as my mom always told me I am), I have many of these stories. Probably too many of the latter but regardless, it’s still my life and I guess I feel I’m at a place to be vulnerable and share because, well, I’m human. I make a lot of mistakes and I learn a lot of hard lessons. And I have found that there are many people like that, they just don't talk about it.
So.. I will.

I feel this particular ‘experience’ is unique but yet, all too common and here is why…

Let's face it. There are times when the enemy is going to attack.
As a Christian, it’s completely impossible to escape the traps of the enemy as he craftily tries to destroy your faith, create a state of anxiety and ruin your family.

I call it for what it is.

This is called spiritual warfare!
So instead of not talking about it and keeping it inside, I’m going to share my day. 

Ever have feelings of inadequacy?
Ever feel that you have failed as a mother?
As a wife? As a friend? As a person?
Please tell me you have. I don’t want to be the only one.
(Misery loves company!)  

Today was a weird but yet wonderful day.
As I was driving my daughter to school today I had an overwhelming feeling
of absolute failure come over me.
I KNEW in my heart, somehow; somewhere
that I had completely failed as a parent and it was irreversible.
I don’t believe that any one thing happened this morning beside the normal:
“Hannah eat your breakfast…
Did you brush your teeth?
Hannah get dressed…
Please don’t flight with your brother and get your back pack ready…
Honey WHY are you playing with a balloon and not getting dressed?...
Baby, where are your shoes, they are your responsibility?...
Please stop fighting with your brother…
Hannah did you get your jacket?...
Oh my goodness child, why are you not getting dressed?”

My morning was pretty much normal.

However, the damage was done.

I failed.
The pain was real and the spirit was THICK.
It was the type of feeling that you get in your stomach when you know something is awful and it just takes the breath away from you. You almost can do nothing but stare and say nothing.
Well, this was me on the way to school.

Total failure.

It was real and I believed it.

I guess a part of me always has struggled with this because I fall victim to that hideous demonic thought pattern of “everyone does it better and has it together BUT ME!”

Gosh is that ugly!

I sometimes compare myself with the moms that “do everything.”
You know, those moms that in our minds are “so much better than you."
(Whatever that means.)

They home school with complete patience everyday;
cook meals from scratch three times a day;
their hair is always perfect;
husbands clothes are constantly ironed, clean and ready for him;
they don’t have cheerios or old fresh fries under the seats of their car;
their kids can read and write by the age of 2;
their homes are perfect 97.9% of the time;
their kids don’t fight
 they all have sweet soft voices when facing confrontation;
they pose perfect in every family photo;
they don’t yell
and they defiantly don’t fall behind on the laundry!
You know who I’m talking about?

Me neither.

But today, I believed that every mom in the world was THIS mom and that I had failed.

One thing I know for sure is, the enemy is hard at work.

This is a thought pattern that he wants every single one of us women (and men) to fall under.
If we are not careful, we start to believe the lies.

So as I drove my sweet ‘Honey Bee’ Hannah (who really is a GEM) to school,
I had this gloomy freaky black thick cloud come over me that rained down big black
F letters for FAILED all over my countenance and spirit. You know, like a profound thick blanket that weighs down your body. The mussels in my face were heavy and I was totally defeated. You know they say it takes more mussels to frown than it does to smile. I believe it. This morning my face HURT.

This is how my day started.

One thing I do know from experience, EVERYTHING must be dealt with through prayer.
I immediately started to pour my heart out to the Lord.

As my morning drifted into the afternoon, my heart was still heavy and I didn’t want to show my face to anyone. ‘Shame’ started to make its home in my mind and all of a sudden, I started to get this pain in my chest. (I call it a freaked-out-stupid-no good-cheap-shot of the enemy)

As I struggled just to keep my head above water, I picked up a book.
I have been reading this book off and on for several months.
Today, the Lord spoke to me through it.
Like a hammer that breaks a rock to pieces.
I randomly opened the book and the words on the first page I read was this:

 “We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”

That’s it!

That's it!

All this garbage I had been carrying around with me all morning long were LIE’S.
Big fat ones.

I finally saw it for what it was.
A complete spiritual battle.

All I needed was a small little reminder of who my enemy is to remind me of the battle I’m in.

He is a LIAR.
This was a spiritual attack to knock me off course.
To bring me down. To take my eyes OFF of Jesus and put them on myself.
(It’s called self-pity. A very ugly trap.)

I KNOW there is not a perfect mom, wife or woman out there.
I KNOW this.
Why am I allowing myself to believe and harbor on this thought pattern?

Because our enemy is roaming around like a lion seeing who he can devour!
Seeing who will believe the clever little lies.
The small whispers that you have failed your children.
You have failed your husband and there is no reconciliation.
Your friends think you’re a nut job.
You have no self respect.
Everyone is looking at you.
You don’t belong.
You are a very bad person.
Stop trying to be good. It will never happen.

Get my point? Who has not heard these things?
Claim it for what it is:
Spiritual Warfare at it’s finest.

 “We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”

Do you know the truth?

My Bible says, “The truth will set you free!”
Not entangle me in bondage where I believe all these lies.

The Bible says:
We are God’s children.
We are bought with a price.
We are treasured.
We are valuable.
We are precious in His eyes.
We are forgiven.
We have been SET FREE!

Praise GOD!

You see, the enemy wants us out of the game.
He wants us defeated, paralyzed and mute; unable to share our struggles and weaknesses.
But you know what?
God is so much greater.
His power is in me and therefore, I can see the truth. I know I’m in a battle.

“We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”

So I encourage you, in times like these, claim it for what it is.
Spiritual warfare is a very real thing.
The Bible says, “Be sober, be vigilant.” That means OUR MINDS!
I may not be “one of those moms” and frankly,
I never want to be!

The truth be told:
I’m a mess without my husband;
I yell at my kids and ask for forgiveness;
I fall behind on the laundry daily;
my house is rarely picked up "perfectly";
I raise my voice at my husband when I get frustrated *not a good idea* :-/
he wears wrinkled shirts more times than not under his sweaters (but nobody can tell);
 my car looks like a hurricane most days
and I can only help Hannah with homework for about 6 minutes and then I quit.

You see, my day started with the enemy blanketing me with a spirit of failure.
He whispered so many lies to me.
Lie’s that I KNEW were not true but I started to entertain them.
A very scary place to be.

The point is, Christian, we are in a spiritual battle.
Satan does not want your heart seeking after Jesus.
The second you do, you can be sure he is there to counteract.
To whisper subtle, crafty, self seeking, prideful, thoughts about you,
your family and everyone you’re around.
To make you believe all the lies he has for you.
He is good at what he does.
The ways he sneaks in are incredible.
Do not be fooled.

“We begin to recognize lies when we know the truth.”

Be encouraged today.
We serve an Awesome GOD!
Seek Jesus and find Him.
There you will find rest for your souls and truth for your heart.

Yesterday the Lord gave me this verse!
"I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
   and in his word I put my hope.
wait for the Lord
   more than watchmen wait for the morning,
   more than watchmen wait for the morning."

Psalm 130:5-6
I love that!


  1. Thanks for your honesty here, Robin. xo

  2. Robin
    I am praising God that you are able to discern what is the truth and what is lies about your mothering and all areas of your life now at the age you are. I really beat myself up more than a few times thinking I was a bad mother over the years and it was not until 1 year ago I realized I was a good mom 65% of the time, a bad mom 5% of the time, a super mom 15% of the time and an okay mom 15% of the time. I wasted a lot of time feeling bad about myself. Praise God you are aware of where it comes from and that it is NOT true. Sending gentle hugs your way today and thank you for your honest share. It will help others just like it reminded me today of how the enemy works.

  3. Robin, thank you so much for writing this,
    honestly this feeling i know it too well,
    i experience this mostly after any kind of commitment to the Lord or after a step forward in my walk of faith,
    and i dread it, and think i should not be överspiritual"and call it spiritual warfare, but you are right it is what it is.
    So thank you for being vulnerable and share, i'm not that brave (yet)
    :) Adriana

  4. Thank you for sharing... makes me remember something which I thought I'd share, my two cents :) I notice that some people (including myself, I admit) judge parents by their child's actions... and also, sometimes parents sense failure when they see their children still procrascinating, rebelling and disobeying, but be encouraged... God is the perfect parent, right? no questions about it... and we see Adam and Eve disobeyed Him when they ate the fruit off the forbidden tree...

    All He asks of us is to walk in truth with mercy (compassion and understanding). Truth and mercy together. Answer everything with truth and mercy. It's the key :)

  5. So well said!!! God is so much greater, but Satan really tries hard to get us to forget that TRUTH. What a blessing your post is- thanks for sharing your heart.

  6. Thank you!!! So glad you posted it because it was what I for one needed to read and I'm sure there are others too that needed to be reminded. The TRUTH will set you free. So since the tears running down my cheeks after reading this have reminded me this has been a particularly hard week and I think I'll go say a prayer. AMEN! God Bless!

  7. I'm not a parent yet, but I am a live-in nanny and can relate to this post about somethings. Thank you for sharing your heart. I'm so thankful that we both have God's Word to speak Truth to our hearts daily.

    P.S.- I love what you are doing through Bread for Life. May God continue to lead you, as you grow that ministry. Much love, Alisha